This happened yesterday when my son was refusing to wake up for school. The school bus was approaching and he tucked the blanket and said, "No, I am not going today". Do you hear this often too? Let me share possible approaches to get them going.
My Story
We are working parents and have been working from home for four years. We feel blessed that we get to spend more time with our children. We engage more with the kid. I have evolved as a human being in this process. However, the more anticipated and awaited thing was the reopening of school. Although we loved spending time with the child, I broke down many times. As the COVID phase was getting over, and schools promoting admissions, we started looking for schools. We had some checkpoints for the schools. We wanted a stress-free happy school so that he could learn and enjoy the school time unlike our times, when schools focused only on academics. My husband went to do some ground research and found that most schools that didn't even have a ground are as expensive as the ones that have a ground with good plans for sports including academics. We found a school 5km away from home that had promising premises and assured us that it includes sports as part of academics and not as an extra curriculum. We were all in until five days into the school. On the very fifth day, our little one cried to the bones that he didn't want to go. We were spending a lot on the fee that we never thought or prepared for and it was hard to believe it could go wrong. We didn't know what to do. Over the weekend we tried to explain to our child that we have got to go and if any problem, we will sort it out with the teachers. Soon, we met the teachers and asked them to give a little extra help and love to the child. Teachers were trying hard too. Somehow we managed till the third term, with on and off leaves. This is when we got to meet the principal for PTM and we got to learn that the kid writes very slowly. We tried to say that every child would take his time, and the principal mam responded, "Then this school is not for your child". We were devastated. It was unbelievable that the school was not empathetic. We started our research and this time I enquired more about schools that cared about the child than sales. That is when I remembered that one of our friend's kids was studying in an IB board school. I asked if we could find an IB board school nearby. My husband immediately did some research and we finally found a school that had values matching our expectations. Shanthiniketan International School had a tagline - "Learning can must be fun". We immediately reached out and met the director of the school. I proudly promote the school for its values of being empathetic to kids and respecting them equally as adults. The entire first term focused on making school interesting for kids, filled with activities, and letting them make friends while learning. Our kid was so happy while going to school and while coming back from school. As parents, we felt the relief. Until this morning when he refused to go to school two weeks post holidays.
Problem Statement
Kids usually don't refuse to do routine things until there is a cause. Every action has a cause. Hence we need to try and understand from the kid's perspective. They might not want to tell the cause by themselves like grown-ups or adult kids. We as parents must understand that we are here to help. We could simply yell and make them catch the bus on time. However, it is a temporary solution. Fear cannot ensure the kid that you could be helpful as a parent. We need to communicate with the kid to understand what makes him skip school. To win the child's trust, ensure that you can help. If the child skips for one day, he/she might miss out on a little fun and learning for that day. Perhaps, you can use this day to understand the child better and find out the reason behind his fear. So you could start by saying, "Okay we can skip the school today". If you are a working parent and cannot afford to miss school, just take 60 minutes. Spend this time with your child to understand him/her better.
Action Plan
Here are a few questions to probe that can help him gather words to tell his side of the story.
Could you please tell me what is the one thing you don't like in the school?
As I was not there in the school with you, I wouldn't know what happened. Can you help me walk through what happened yesterday?
What made you laugh yesterday at school? And what made you sad or angry?
Could you please tell me what was the best part of yesterday? and what was the worst part of yesterday?
Can you tell me 2 things you like in your class and 2 things you dislike in your class?
Could you please tell me what do you like to do in class and what do you dislike to do in school?
When they pause, give them time to gather words to express themselves. Be a good listener. Don't judge them. They might have missed finishing homework. Whatever their reason is, to connect with them and build a stronger bond, don't judge them. They are tiny beings. When you feel any negative emotion listen to their reasons, just take a few deep breaths. Take 5 minutes before you respond to the child. Come back to them with a solution. Help them with possible approaches that could help the child and ensure that you will hold the hand no matter what. Communicate well and the child will get back to school with more confidence than ever.
Thank you for reading so far to help your child. You are an osum parent!
