Effective communication is more than just talking and listening; it involves a deep connection and understanding between you and your child. It encompasses the ability to express thoughts, feelings, and ideas clearly and respectfully. Effective communication includes:
Active Listening: Paying full attention to what your child is saying, without interrupting or planning your response while they’re speaking. In this digital world where we continuously have the urge to look into our phones, turning them off and keeping them aside to fully concentrate on what your child is saying, is the first step. You don't have to respond to everything they say. Hold back and listen. They will ask if they need your input.
Many times we as parents have this urge to correct them. Unknowingly, we correct their language. And sometimes we also ask them to be good. Let us say the kid is sharing what happened on the school bus. The kids start by saying that today a teacher from her bus scolded her and her friend and asked them to be quiet. Also, separated them into different seats on the bus. Most parents have this urge to interrupt here and say, "You must have done something that annoyed your teacher!". Where in reality, she had pulled her friend's hair and they started laughing aloud. I don't see anything wrong with playing with friends on the way back home. This is how memories get created. If the school bus is also restricted like a classroom, then kids will not like to go to school on the bus. Unknowingly, we are creating a hurdle for ourselves. These could be just one of the consequences. When you interrupt, the kid might forget what she was trying to convey and a shift in her emotions could make her impulsive in the long run. The most important of all consequences is that every time the child tries to share her experience with you, she is building a bond with the parent. When you interrupt, you are interrupting the bond and can get worse with wrong responses.Empathizing: Showing that you understand and care about your child’s feelings and perspectives. This is so underrated and sometimes wrongly executed. As humans each of us has different perspectives of the same thing. As grown-ups, our understanding of right and wrong or black and white is based on our conditioning and what we have aligned ourselves to over time. Perhaps kids have a totally different perspective on things. They cannot differentiate between silly and funny. In fact, kids laugh at the silliest and smallest things possible. This becomes challenging for adults to understand the funny parts of kid's stories. However, I recommend not to fake before the kids. They would know when you don't really pay attention or understand what they are saying. This can be resolved by simply paying complete attention. Be like kids with kids. This could help in understanding them. This is the first step.
Now comes the other part of empathizing. Kids come to us parents with an expectation that we will take their side. At least they would think that my mom/dad cannot laugh at me for this. OR my mom/dad cannot judge me. They wouldn't even know the meaning of judging but they come to parents with a trust. Now by caring for their feelings we either build their trust. As soon as we respond with "It's okay, move on", their unacknowledged emotions could get suppressed. Kids under 12 try to let out their emotions easily and when suppress their emotions, it is harder for them to open up for as long as they grow into their 30s. Research says that kids who have had nonempathetic parents, could grow as underconfident and feel less self-love.Being Clear and Concise: Communicating your messages in a way that your child can easily understand, avoiding confusion and misinterpretation. Parents who have a habit of giving Gyan could face this as a challenge. We as adults have a broader understanding of every scenario. So we end up giving too much information to kids which would only lead to confusion in little brains. We must understand how much knowledge is to be shared and in the simplest words that they can grasp. It is evident from the schools and education institutes that try to break down any concept into simple forms and teach kids in consumable ways, that kids learn well when told in clear and concise way.
Let us take the concept of division. Theory 1 - 10Lakhs worth of assets of a 50-year uncle are divided equally among his 3 sons. Theory 2 - 10 beads are split into 5 cups equally. For a 7-year-old kid, which theory seems relevant? You could demonstrate with real beads and cups for the understanding of kids. If we describe all the knowledge we have about divisions to the kids, they wouldn't remember a thing and might even dislike coming back to that topic anytime soon. Hence, when you respond, know when to stop.
By mastering these elements, you create a supportive environment where your child feels valued and heard.
Effective communication is the cornerstone of a strong parent-child relationship. Here’s why it’s so important:
Builds Trust: When you communicate openly and honestly with your child, it fosters a sense of trust and security. Your child learns that they can come to you with their thoughts and concerns, knowing they will be listened to and understood without any judgment.
Enhances Understanding: Clear communication helps prevent misunderstandings and conflicts. It ensures that both you and your child are on the same page, making it easier to address issues and solve problems together.
Develops Emotional Intelligence: By engaging in effective communication, you help your child develop essential emotional skills. They learn to express their feelings healthily and understand the emotions of others.
Boosts Self-Esteem: When children feel heard and respected, it boosts their self-confidence and self-worth. They feel more secure in their identity and more comfortable expressing themselves.
Improves Social Skills: The communication skills your child learns at home will extend to their interactions outside the family. They will be better equipped to build relationships, resolve conflicts, and navigate social situations effectively.
Practical Tips for Effective Communication
Listen
Techniques for active listening: nodding, summarizing, and asking open-ended questions. Look into the child's eyes when they are speaking. They might look around. Give them the space to be expressive. Ask open-ended questions to learn from them. When you ask specific questions, kids get distracted and give you answers based on what you anticipate. So it is important that you don't interrupt.
Importance of acknowledging your child’s feelings. Don't rush into conclusions. Take time to understand from your child's perspective. And it is always wise to be on their side. This makes them feel safe and want to listen to you. You can start with "I know right", followed by your advice that can benefit them and the right thing to do.
Honesty
Seek help: Ask them to help you understand when you don't get them. Simply nodding at everything they say isn't active listening. Many times they try to convey in simple words. However, most of the time we cannot understand because of a Lack of Attention. You could feel it hard when they get angry that you don't understand. A simple way to solve this is by honestly requesting them to help you understand. Kids are kind and give plenty of opportunities. respond to what we have understood, instead of what they are trying to convey. Hence, instead of coming to conclusions yourself, you could ask them what they think.
Don't assume things and ask questions to get a better understanding before responding. Any healthy kid speaks at a slow pace. They try to narrate their story as imaginative as they can in their brain. And we are in a hurry like always. So, we listen half and assume the rest. Instead of responding with this half-knowledge, we can ask them to either put it in different words or honestly request them to repeat it. Some adults have an ego also to listen to a complete sentence. We might understand what a child wants to say before they complete their sentences. This can create multiple damages. One - the child will start assuming that others know it, I don't have to say. Two - the child will feel underconfident and stop caring about their feelings.
Empathy and Understanding
Putting yourself in your child’s shoes. This is a quality that every parent must possess. Kids need your knowledge, help, and advice for sure. Perhaps, they need you to understand them in the first place. Everything a kid experiences might be something that you have already experienced earlier. however, it is the kid's first time. Even if it is not their first time. You must empathize before you pull out your advice bullet.
Validating their emotions and experiences. You must say that it is okay to feel the way they do. This is so important for them in the long run. Even if they feel angry or have any negative emotion, just start with a simple sentence, "I know it is hard". And for all the silly things, "I know it's funny, but it might hurt others". Simple words and kids will understand.
Clear and Age-Appropriate Language
Using language that is appropriate for your child’s age and comprehension level. Simple words are best. Beating around the bush, and talking sarcasm are some of the things adults do. As parents, we must be conscious that this will only make it complex for kids. When so much information is shared in one go, kids don't know what to pick and mostly end up picking the wrong idea. It is always recommended to use simple words and that too in a positive sentence. For example, if the kid is climbing a slide from the front side, instead of saying, "Don't climb from the front side", you can say, "Please climb using stairs".
Being relevant with teen kids and using their generational words can give them a feeling of safe and secure talking to you as a parent. It is hard to learn new things, but if our goal is to be a buddy to our kids we need to put in that effort. Try to give at least one hour a day for learning and one hour to spend with your child. They will be happy to help. Kids don't want to miss out on the chance to talk to you either.
Thank you for reading so far to help your child. You are an osum parent!
