Setting Up a Safe Home Environment for Kids

This is a broad space to talk about. Home is where most people feel safest. By home it is not just the place but the people who live in it. This is the same for kids too. For a child, the mother's womb is the safest place. Every kid would want to be around available parents. By available parents, I mean physically, mentally, and emotionally. This might sound overwhelming. I feel you. Let me help you with details of how you can take this in small steps and execute it at home.

Inside the home

Many times we as adults get hurt from nowhere in the house. Many women get their regular tattoos from the kitchen. JK(Just Kidding). I feel that despite extreme care sometimes it goes out of control for us adults. Imagine if a fully grown human being can face these situations, kids need our assistance for sure. Remember, precaution is better than cure. We must observe the possible hazards that can exist in an ordinary home. For a newborn from 0-3 months, the baby can hardly move from their place. Let us consider that as the safest age. The back turns and crawling is when we need to be cautious. The numbers are very huge when we count on infants falling from their beds during this age. Sometimes in a span of a 5-minute break, a mother takes to the loo. We can avoid this by

• Putting pillows around the baby. This can help infants that just started to turn back.

• Putting the baby to sleep in a crib. Safest option.

• Not everyone can afford a crib or when you think it is a temporary thing to spend on. You can use pillows around the kid and on the floor too.

Once the child starts crawling and walking, it is important to childproof the entire home. The child would not want to stay in the crib at all. The sharp edges in the home are a real hazard. I had my friend's kid who got a deep cut on his forehead by hitting a corner of the wall when he was 4. Let us see what we can do

• Install corner protectors, they are rounded rubber covers to the corners of the walls and sharp ends of the furniture in the house.

• Securing heavy furniture to the wall to prevent tipping.

• Covering electrical outlets with safety plugs.

• Make sure you accompany them while taking stairs or elevators.

It is great that parents are encouraging kids to cook at an early stage. Rihansh(my LO) started cutting veggies at the age of 5. He also used to peel and cut his apple. We just need to make sure the knife is child-safe, and not too sharp. Also accompanying them actively could prevent any possible hazards in the kitchen. We don't need to push them away from the kitchen, as we all know cooking is a life skill. Learning to cook their favourite food, can also make them feel confident and empowered.

Let us now look at safety measures that can be taken room by room in the house.

Room-by-Room Safety Tips:

• Living Room:

  • Securing TV and entertainment units.

  • Using corner protectors on sharp furniture edges.

  • Keeping small objects and toys that can be choking hazards out of reach.

• Kitchen:

  • Installing stove guards and using back burners when cooking.

  • Locking cabinets that contain cleaning supplies and chemicals.

  • Keeping knives and sharp objects in locked drawers.

• Bathroom:

  • Installing non-slip mats in the bathtub and on the floor.

  • Keeping medications and toiletries in high, locked cabinets.

  • Ensuring water heater temperature is set to a safe level to prevent scalding.

• Bedrooms:

  • Using cordless blinds or securing cords to prevent strangulation.

  • Ensuring cribs and beds meet current safety standards.

  • Keeping nightlights out of reach to avoid burns.

These were some of the tips. You know your home well. Please look around and take the necessary safety measures. You can leave your comments if you have any queries and I will try to help you with that.

Our presence

In this digital world, when we are busy with our mobiles, we can get distracted easily. It is natural to get into the social media loop. Despite that, thank you for coming to this site and reading so far so you could take care of your child. I appreciate that. Having a child could make you feel that you must let go of things that you did earlier or why you must not watch content. You don't have to do that. All I suggest is to define a certain time interval for consuming content. Don't do it for the kids, this will help you also not get into the scam of social media. Some parents are showing content to their kids too. Which is where the problem arises.

We must understand that it is okay to share content with your child as long as it is safe. There is child-safe content available on the web. This content doesn't provide irrelevant or any adult adds as well. Every visual kids watch has an impact on them. Hence, let us be cautious and make our home child-safe by dedicating watching content online when the child is not around.

I will end this post by saying that you are trying, which is great. You are an amazing parent. Despite all the challenges, you are showing up every day. Parenting is an underrated and undermined full-time job. Kudos to you and I wish you happy parenting.

Because happy parents = happy kids!

How to make your child go to school

 This happened yesterday when my son was refusing to wake up for school. The school bus was approaching and he tucked the blanket and said, "No, I am not going today". Do you hear this often too? Let me share possible approaches to get them going.

My Story

We are working parents and have been working from home for four years. We feel blessed that we get to spend more time with our children. We engage more with the kid. I have evolved as a human being in this process. However, the more anticipated and awaited thing was the reopening of school. Although we loved spending time with the child, I broke down many times. As the COVID phase was getting over, and schools promoting admissions, we started looking for schools. We had some checkpoints for the schools. We wanted a stress-free happy school so that he could learn and enjoy the school time unlike our times, when schools focused only on academics. My husband went to do some ground research and found that most schools that didn't even have a ground are as expensive as the ones that have a ground with good plans for sports including academics. We found a school 5km away from home that had promising premises and assured us that it includes sports as part of academics and not as an extra curriculum. We were all in until five days into the school. On the very fifth day, our little one cried to the bones that he didn't want to go. We were spending a lot on the fee that we never thought or prepared for and it was hard to believe it could go wrong. We didn't know what to do. Over the weekend we tried to explain to our child that we have got to go and if any problem, we will sort it out with the teachers. Soon, we met the teachers and asked them to give a little extra help and love to the child. Teachers were trying hard too. Somehow we managed till the third term, with on and off leaves. This is when we got to meet the principal for PTM and we got to learn that the kid writes very slowly. We tried to say that every child would take his time, and the principal mam responded, "Then this school is not for your child". We were devastated. It was unbelievable that the school was not empathetic. We started our research and this time I enquired more about schools that cared about the child than sales. That is when I remembered that one of our friend's kids was studying in an IB board school. I asked if we could find an IB board school nearby. My husband immediately did some research and we finally found a school that had values matching our expectations. Shanthiniketan International School had a tagline - "Learning can must be fun". We immediately reached out and met the director of the school. I proudly promote the school for its values of being empathetic to kids and respecting them equally as adults. The entire first term focused on making school interesting for kids, filled with activities, and letting them make friends while learning. Our kid was so happy while going to school and while coming back from school. As parents, we felt the relief. Until this morning when he refused to go to school two weeks post holidays.

Problem Statement

Kids usually don't refuse to do routine things until there is a cause. Every action has a cause. Hence we need to try and understand from the kid's perspective. They might not want to tell the cause by themselves like grown-ups or adult kids. We as parents must understand that we are here to help. We could simply yell and make them catch the bus on time. However, it is a temporary solution. Fear cannot ensure the kid that you could be helpful as a parent. We need to communicate with the kid to understand what makes him skip school. To win the child's trust, ensure that you can help. If the child skips for one day, he/she might miss out on a little fun and learning for that day. Perhaps, you can use this day to understand the child better and find out the reason behind his fear. So you could start by saying, "Okay we can skip the school today". If you are a working parent and cannot afford to miss school, just take 60 minutes. Spend this time with your child to understand him/her better.

Action Plan

Here are a few questions to probe that can help him gather words to tell his side of the story.

• Could you please tell me what is the one thing you don't like in the school?

• As I was not there in the school with you, I wouldn't know what happened. Can you help me walk through what happened yesterday?

• What made you laugh yesterday at school? And what made you sad or angry?

• Could you please tell me what was the best part of yesterday? and what was the worst part of yesterday?

• Can you tell me 2 things you like in your class and 2 things you dislike in your class?

• Could you please tell me what do you like to do in class and what do you dislike to do in school?

When they pause, give them time to gather words to express themselves. Be a good listener. Don't judge them. They might have missed finishing homework. Whatever their reason is, to connect with them and build a stronger bond, don't judge them. They are tiny beings. When you feel any negative emotion listen to their reasons, just take a few deep breaths. Take 5 minutes before you respond to the child. Come back to them with a solution. Help them with possible approaches that could help the child and ensure that you will hold the hand no matter what. Communicate well and the child will get back to school with more confidence than ever.

Thank you for reading so far to help your child. You are an osum parent!

Effective Communication with Your Child

Effective communication is more than just talking and listening; it involves a deep connection and understanding between you and your child. It encompasses the ability to express thoughts, feelings, and ideas clearly and respectfully. Effective communication includes:

• Active Listening: Paying full attention to what your child is saying, without interrupting or planning your response while they’re speaking. In this digital world where we continuously have the urge to look into our phones, turning them off and keeping them aside to fully concentrate on what your child is saying, is the first step. You don't have to respond to everything they say. Hold back and listen. They will ask if they need your input.
  Many times we as parents have this urge to correct them. Unknowingly, we correct their language. And sometimes we also ask them to be good. Let us say the kid is sharing what happened on the school bus. The kids start by saying that today a teacher from her bus scolded her and her friend and asked them to be quiet. Also, separated them into different seats on the bus. Most parents have this urge to interrupt here and say, "You must have done something that annoyed your teacher!". Where in reality, she had pulled her friend's hair and they started laughing aloud. I don't see anything wrong with playing with friends on the way back home. This is how memories get created. If the school bus is also restricted like a classroom, then kids will not like to go to school on the bus. Unknowingly, we are creating a hurdle for ourselves. These could be just one of the consequences. When you interrupt, the kid might forget what she was trying to convey and a shift in her emotions could make her impulsive in the long run. The most important of all consequences is that every time the child tries to share her experience with you, she is building a bond with the parent. When you interrupt, you are interrupting the bond and can get worse with wrong responses.

• Empathizing: Showing that you understand and care about your child’s feelings and perspectives. This is so underrated and sometimes wrongly executed. As humans each of us has different perspectives of the same thing. As grown-ups, our understanding of right and wrong or black and white is based on our conditioning and what we have aligned ourselves to over time. Perhaps kids have a totally different perspective on things. They cannot differentiate between silly and funny. In fact, kids laugh at the silliest and smallest things possible. This becomes challenging for adults to understand the funny parts of kid's stories. However, I recommend not to fake before the kids. They would know when you don't really pay attention or understand what they are saying. This can be resolved by simply paying complete attention. Be like kids with kids. This could help in understanding them. This is the first step.
  Now comes the other part of empathizing. Kids come to us parents with an expectation that we will take their side. At least they would think that my mom/dad cannot laugh at me for this. OR my mom/dad cannot judge me. They wouldn't even know the meaning of judging but they come to parents with a trust. Now by caring for their feelings we either build their trust. As soon as we respond with "It's okay, move on", their unacknowledged emotions could get suppressed. Kids under 12 try to let out their emotions easily and when suppress their emotions, it is harder for them to open up for as long as they grow into their 30s. Research says that kids who have had nonempathetic parents, could grow as underconfident and feel less self-love.

• Being Clear and Concise: Communicating your messages in a way that your child can easily understand, avoiding confusion and misinterpretation. Parents who have a habit of giving Gyan could face this as a challenge. We as adults have a broader understanding of every scenario. So we end up giving too much information to kids which would only lead to confusion in little brains. We must understand how much knowledge is to be shared and in the simplest words that they can grasp. It is evident from the schools and education institutes that try to break down any concept into simple forms and teach kids in consumable ways, that kids learn well when told in clear and concise way.
  Let us take the concept of division. Theory 1 - 10Lakhs worth of assets of a 50-year uncle are divided equally among his 3 sons. Theory 2 - 10 beads are split into 5 cups equally. For a 7-year-old kid, which theory seems relevant? You could demonstrate with real beads and cups for the understanding of kids. If we describe all the knowledge we have about divisions to the kids, they wouldn't remember a thing and might even dislike coming back to that topic anytime soon. Hence, when you respond, know when to stop.

By mastering these elements, you create a supportive environment where your child feels valued and heard.

Effective communication is the cornerstone of a strong parent-child relationship. Here’s why it’s so important:

• Builds Trust: When you communicate openly and honestly with your child, it fosters a sense of trust and security. Your child learns that they can come to you with their thoughts and concerns, knowing they will be listened to and understood without any judgment.

• Enhances Understanding: Clear communication helps prevent misunderstandings and conflicts. It ensures that both you and your child are on the same page, making it easier to address issues and solve problems together.

• Develops Emotional Intelligence: By engaging in effective communication, you help your child develop essential emotional skills. They learn to express their feelings healthily and understand the emotions of others.

• Boosts Self-Esteem: When children feel heard and respected, it boosts their self-confidence and self-worth. They feel more secure in their identity and more comfortable expressing themselves.

• Improves Social Skills: The communication skills your child learns at home will extend to their interactions outside the family. They will be better equipped to build relationships, resolve conflicts, and navigate social situations effectively.

Practical Tips for Effective Communication

• Listen

  • Techniques for active listening: nodding, summarizing, and asking open-ended questions. Look into the child's eyes when they are speaking. They might look around. Give them the space to be expressive. Ask open-ended questions to learn from them. When you ask specific questions, kids get distracted and give you answers based on what you anticipate. So it is important that you don't interrupt.

  • Importance of acknowledging your child’s feelings. Don't rush into conclusions. Take time to understand from your child's perspective. And it is always wise to be on their side. This makes them feel safe and want to listen to you. You can start with "I know right", followed by your advice that can benefit them and the right thing to do.

• Honesty

  • Seek help: Ask them to help you understand when you don't get them. Simply nodding at everything they say isn't active listening. Many times they try to convey in simple words. However, most of the time we cannot understand because of a Lack of Attention. You could feel it hard when they get angry that you don't understand. A simple way to solve this is by honestly requesting them to help you understand. Kids are kind and give plenty of opportunities. respond to what we have understood, instead of what they are trying to convey. Hence, instead of coming to conclusions yourself, you could ask them what they think.

  • Don't assume things and ask questions to get a better understanding before responding. Any healthy kid speaks at a slow pace. They try to narrate their story as imaginative as they can in their brain. And we are in a hurry like always. So, we listen half and assume the rest. Instead of responding with this half-knowledge, we can ask them to either put it in different words or honestly request them to repeat it. Some adults have an ego also to listen to a complete sentence. We might understand what a child wants to say before they complete their sentences. This can create multiple damages. One - the child will start assuming that others know it, I don't have to say. Two - the child will feel underconfident and stop caring about their feelings.

• Empathy and Understanding

  • Putting yourself in your child’s shoes. This is a quality that every parent must possess. Kids need your knowledge, help, and advice for sure. Perhaps, they need you to understand them in the first place. Everything a kid experiences might be something that you have already experienced earlier. however, it is the kid's first time. Even if it is not their first time. You must empathize before you pull out your advice bullet.

  • Validating their emotions and experiences. You must say that it is okay to feel the way they do. This is so important for them in the long run. Even if they feel angry or have any negative emotion, just start with a simple sentence, "I know it is hard". And for all the silly things, "I know it's funny, but it might hurt others". Simple words and kids will understand.

• Clear and Age-Appropriate Language

  • Using language that is appropriate for your child’s age and comprehension level. Simple words are best. Beating around the bush, and talking sarcasm are some of the things adults do. As parents, we must be conscious that this will only make it complex for kids. When so much information is shared in one go, kids don't know what to pick and mostly end up picking the wrong idea. It is always recommended to use simple words and that too in a positive sentence. For example, if the kid is climbing a slide from the front side, instead of saying, "Don't climb from the front side", you can say, "Please climb using stairs".

  • Being relevant with teen kids and using their generational words can give them a feeling of safe and secure talking to you as a parent. It is hard to learn new things, but if our goal is to be a buddy to our kids we need to put in that effort. Try to give at least one hour a day for learning and one hour to spend with your child. They will be happy to help. Kids don't want to miss out on the chance to talk to you either.

Thank you for reading so far to help your child. You are an osum parent!